I'm still here

"You're getting good at this," Kari said. I was holding back Kaylee's hair and propping her up while Kari held a "bucket" under her chin.

Within seconds of Kaylee getting sick the first time the entire house had mobilized. Kari was making a sick bed on the couch, cleaning vomit out of the carpet, getting wet washcloths and buckets ready (she really is Superwoman!). I had Kaylee in the bathroom getting clean pajamas on and scrubbing her little fingers where she had tried to catch the sickness before it hit the floor. And Tim was comforting the other girls who were either grossed out by the whole affair or jealous that Kaylee would get to sleep in the living room while Aunt Katie and Mommy watched their shows.  

We were on round 3 or 4 of this when Kari told me I was getting good. 

It wasn't exactly the evening we had planned. But I went home happy. Feeling sorry for poor Kaylee, of course, and praying the rest of the family doesn't end up sleeping on the couch. But happy nonetheless.

Because it has been so easy to get caught up in being gone for two months that sometimes it feels like I've already left. That all my thoughts and conversations are about what it will be like when I Walk With Spain. Or even what it will be like coming home.

But feeling like I'm already gone isn't what I want for my last few days here. 

I want to be present to these moments. Here. Now. The dailiness and the ordinary. To make ponytails and memories. Hold hands and be happy. To feel like I'm still part of this life. 

Because I am still here. Not yet there. And it's the ordinary moments--the family dinners and reading books, the laughter and tears--that I imagine missing the most.

prayer

"I will carry your walk in my prayers
if you carry my prayers in your walk."
- Suzie

In its simplest form, the "purpose" of walking el Camino de Santiago ("The Way of St. James") is to arrive at the cathedral in Santiago where St. James the Apostle is buried in order to ask for miracles, forgiveness, or receive other answers to prayer.

There is a statue of St. James at the cathedral and people literally embrace it, laying their heads upon his shoulder and their burdens at his feet.

I can't wait to embrace the apostle!

But...

I don't think God is asking me to walk 500 miles so that He can forgive me. Or answer me. Or heal me.

(He might be asking me to walk 500 miles so I will realize I need to forgive myself, but when it comes to His forgiveness I don't even need to get off the couch!)

To be honest, I'm not sure why God wants me to walk across Spain. Maybe it's not for me to know. At least not now. But I do know that I plan on saying a million prayers during the 40 days of Lent. And I would love to carry your prayers with me each day as I walk.

I hope that as we walk across Spain together you will take advantage of the comment section at the end of each blog and include your prayer requests and praises so that we can all pray and celebrate together.

Because I do believe in miracles and answered prayer. And I do believe they will happen, to us, during Lent.

What I would love more than anything would be for ALL of our prayers to be answered BEFORE I embrace the apostle. So that the only prayer left to say is "Thank you."

Thank you for Walking With me. Thank you for Walking With us. Thank you for hearing our prayers.

don't forget to start

"Whatever you do--for heaven's sake don't forget to start." - John Brierley

I spent all day yesterday mapping my route across Spain, from St. Jean Pied de Port to Santiago. What routes and detours I want to take. Castles and cathedrals I want to see. Hostels and hotels I want to bunk in. 

Of course it is just a guide, not a rule. 

Because who knows if the weather along the Route de Napolean will even allow me to hike the Pyrenees that first day. Maybe I'll feel inspired in Pamplona and want to spend some extra time writing instead of walking. Will I feel up to the extra miles in order to detour and see the world heritage sites near Azofra? 

I suppose, in this case, it is a good thing that I'm not much of a planner. That being flexible about where the day takes me is more natural to my disposition than challenging. 

But it also felt important to Walk With a plan, so I can see when I'm ahead and when I'm falling behind. I do, after all, have to come home eventually. 

The really important thing at this stage, however, is simply that I start. I have my plane tickets. I'm in the process of packing. And sometime that first week in March I'll take my first steps along el Camino de Santiago. 

not knowing

"There was a certain freedom in not knowing everything that was ahead." - Arthur Paul Boers

I'm 8 days away from beginning my Lenten journey across Spain and I have no idea what to expect. But as the author above writes, there is a kind of freedom in that.

There will be times so hard that if I knew them in advance I might not want to take on this journey. 

There will be times so wonderful that if I knew them in advance it would be easy to want to rush ahead to seize them, skipping all the hard parts that bring the lessons that make the wonderful parts so wonderful.

Life is like that. With unexpected highs and unexpected lows that somehow perfectly balance each other out.

To Walk With Jesus is like that. With so many painful and beautiful lessons along the way.

I am truly grateful for the not knowing. Grateful that this adventure will be more wonderful and more difficult than I can even imagine.

protection

My brother recently asked me if I was going to take any sort of protection with me to Spain. He meant something along the lines of pepper spray. But my mother had another idea.

Saint Christopher: patron saint of travelers.

When my parents started dating my mother lived in Iowa and my father in Ohio. As my dad's trips to Iowa became more frequent his mom bought him a Saint Christopher medal to keep him safe. Apparently it worked because every trip was a safe one. (He was even able to outrun the Xenia tornado of 1974!)

And so my mother bought me one as well. So that I will Walk With protection as I journey in less than two weeks from Ohio to Madrid to Roncesvalles to Santiago and back again.

My faith isn't in Saint Christopher alone, however. I would greatly appreciate your prayers, positive thoughts, and a little extra love shown to my family while I'm away as they claim they are going to be missing me (just a little!).

the ice cream scoop girl

While Kari and I were attempting to catch up on some mindless television this week a horrible noise started coming from Tysen's room. 

It sounded like a clogged garbage disposal. 

Upon inspection it turned out to be one very congested little girl. 

We got her out of bed and Tysen sat with Kari while waiting for the Vicks and vaporizer to work their magic, and we continued to watch our mindless television.

Until the horrible noise started coming from Kaylee's room. 

Kari went off to investigate and I asked Tysen if she wanted to go to bed.

Shaking her head 'no' she said, "I want to watch the show."

"What is it about?" I asked, wondering if she was actually paying attention.

"Girls," she said. "And boys. And they sing."

Spot on.

"Do you want to sing when you get bigger?" I asked.

Shaking her head 'no' she said, "I want to be the ice cream scoop girl."

"The ice cream scoop girl?" I asked, making sure I understood her correctly.

She nodded, "So I can feed all the people who are hungry." 

(I've said it before--world changer, this one.)

"Do you know how to make ice cream?" I asked.

Shaking her head 'no' she said, "Mommy has some in the freezer. I just want to scoop it for the people."

(If ever you need a lesson in Walking With compassion, just spend a few minutes with Tysen.)

Shortly thereafter she was sound asleep, no doubt dreaming about changing the world one ice cream scoop at a time.

Meanwhile I'm left thinking I can't imagine a better thing to grow up to be than someone who feeds hungry people. In fact, I think I want to be the ice cream scoop girl too.

ouch

Ice is slippery. Falling on it hurts.

Walk With care.

patience in listening

Yesterday I was on the treadmill watching the History channel (Did you know that Zachary Taylor died of cholera? Weren't we just talking about cholera? Zach was a president by the way.) when Mr. P walked into the weight room.

My heart sank a little bit.

You see, I love Mr. P.

And Mr. P loves me.

But Mr. P and I have very different philosophies about the gym.

Mr. P's philosophy is 'if you can't socialize at the gym what is the point'. Whereas my philosophy is 'why would I want to make friends when I'm all sweaty and so are you'.

I was just hitting my stride on the treadmill when Mr. P told me I was "going nowhere fast", followed by the same repertoire of jokes, family stories, and life's accomplishments he regales me with each and every time we meet.

They are great stories. Mr. P has had an amazing life and has incredibly talented children to show for it. But I just wish he could remember a new story every now and again.

There is no escaping Mr. P once he gets started. So I Walked With Mr. P and his stories and did my best to smile and look as interested as I had the first time I'd heard them.

And that's when Mr. P changed the game.

Out of nowhere he broke into song. Song! A good morning song about the sun shining down on a magnificent girl named Katie.

Which made me smile a real smile. Perhaps my first of the day.

All because an 80-year-old guy found something new to say. Which I would have missed if I hadn't let him tell me all his same stories and all his same jokes.


There are many times when I am quiet, many times when I don't want to write or talk or preach, because I fear I have nothing new to say. But maybe that is normal. Maybe I'm just warming up to something new to say...to anyone who has the patience to really listen.

determination

There are two kinds of people in this world.

There are the people who hear "you can't do that" and feel fear.

And then there is my sister-in-law who hears "you can't do that" and takes it as a personal challenge.

Which is how we--two people who have never frosted a cake in their lives--ended up making four princess cakes for yesterday's birthday extravaganza.

And while we--emboldened by a dozen containers of frosting and a box of wine--were pretty impressed with our results, nothing compared to the priceless faces of my nieces when their cakes were revealed.

I don't know that there are more cakes in our future. But I do know that when faced with a challenge I would much rather Walk With determination like my sis and meet the challenge head-on.

you are special

My boyfriend is the absolute sweetest. 

In addition to all the stuff boys are "supposed" to do (show up on time, put down the toilet seat, that kind of stuff), he also brings me two pieces of chocolate when I ask for one, compliments my vocabulary, encourages my outlandish dreams (yesterday we were buying an orphanage in Malawi, the week before we were playing Tarzan in Brazil)... 

I could go on all day about his sweetness. 

In January I even came home from vacation to this post-it note heart on my closet door. It's the first thing you see when you walk in my house. And it is still there today, a month later.

I love post-it notes. I love that he took the time to make a heart out of post-it notes. I love that he wrote me a note on the post-it notes. And that we have continued adding messages over the past few weeks.

It is such an adventure to come home and scan the closet door to see what has been added. Song lyrics, movie quotes, x's and o's. Just little expressions of love and care.

When we Walk With love in our hearts, we will always look for ways to make others feel special.

It doesn't have to cost anything. It doesn't have to be romantic. It doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day. It doesn't even have to be with someone you know.

We can simply decide each day that we are going to make someone/anyone/everyone feel special. And start looking for ways to make it happen.

So, whether or not you have a valentine today, choose to show someone that they are special!

the only one

I was hanging out with some friends this week when they got to teasing me (in good fun) about "doing my own thing".

It all started when a pack of gum was presented and everyone in the room wanted a piece. Everyone except me.

"Everyone else is chewing it," they said.

"I'm different, yeah I'm different," I sang.

And we all laughed.

Most of the time I love being the one who is "different", not afraid to follow the road less traveled and go my own way.

But that doesn't mean it's easy to maintain your stargirl qualities when you are "the only one":

The only one who doesn't chew gum (it gives me a stomach ache). The only one who doesn't have kids. The only one who doesn't smoke. The only one who doesn't have anything to complain about. The only one who goes to church. The only one who is divorced. The only one who works from home. The only one who leaves her phone at home on purpose. The only one...

You can fill in the blank for yourself. Because as many times as I am "the only one", there are just as many times when I'm part of the majority, leaving someone else--maybe you--to claim "the only one" status.

It can feel isolating to be on the outside of inside jokes. To have different tastes in music or movies, hobbies or passions. But I'm always in awe of the person who refuses to compromise who they are. Because I know how hard it can be. And how beautiful. And how worth it.

To Walk With integrity to your true self is a challenge. But knowing that there are times when we each feel like "the only one" is an invitation to celebrate each others' uniqueness, encourage authenticity, and be kind. Always.

lengthening days

Good news! The days are getting longer!!

The change is subtle. Gradual. You may tell it by how the sky looks when you go to work and drive home. Or when the kids get on the bus and when they go to bed. For me, who Walks With the rhythms of the sun, I can tell the change by when I wake up for my first daylight walk and when I slow down to take my last.

Gone are the days of the sun waking me at 7:45 and setting before dinnertime. Here are the days of 7 a.m. pinks and after dinner sunset walks.

Which can only mean one thing. (Don't let the snow and ice fool you!)

SPRING IS COMING!!

7 a.m. view from my bedroom

6 p.m. view from my walking path

giving keys

My sister-in-law Kari gave me the coolest birthday gift: a giving key.

The idea behind the key is that I'm supposed to "pay it forward", to give the key away to someone who needs the word inscribed on it. My key word, naturally, is "EMBRACE".

Immediately upon receiving the gift I had a vision of Walking With the key across Spain and laying it at the foot of the iron cross--Cruz de Ferro--which I will reach approximately 5 weeks into my journey. It's where others leave rocks from home, rings from failed engagements, and other "stones" to symbolize a shedding of burdens and leaving behind of what no longer serves you, in order to be open to new life and the last part of the journey.

The thing about "EMBRACE", my word of the year in 2013, is that I began to feel possessive of it after 365 days of carrying it around in the forefront of my mind. So any time it appeared in a book or a movie, a blog or conversation, it was as if I had been the impetus. As if the word had not even been called into existence prior to my declaring it "my" word of 2013.

And so the shedding of this layer/key/burden that I carry would be a symbol of letting go of this singular vision. In favor of Walking With all the other words and books, opportunities and acquaintances who share this journey with me. Leaving the past where it belongs in favor of all that makes up my future.

Instead of giving the key to one person, I would symbolically be giving it to all persons. Inviting each and every one to join me in laying down selfishness in favor of community.

And maybe this is exactly how it will play out. Or maybe there is ONE who needs this word-key for him or herself and I'll know it immediately. Time will tell.

As I said yesterday, it is good to have visions and expectations. AND to be able to lay them down if life has other plans.

expectations

No one has ever been more excited to win anything than Kenzi was when she won this tool set at the annual Lions Club pancake breakfast on Saturday (except maybe Kasen, who won an ice scraper last year).

The surprise of hearing her name called literally lifted her out of her seat and had her running to the prize table to receive her very first socket set. Her smile lit up the room for the rest of the hour, not the least bit concerned with the impractical nature of the prize.

I was sitting on the opposite side of the table, next to Tessa, when Kenzi's big win occurred. And suddenly Tessa was presented with the challenge of now expecting to hear her name called as well. But her name wasn't immediately called, which gave her time to eye the prize table. Presenting the additional challenge of not only expecting her name to be called, but expecting her prize to be the giant flashlight that was obviously the missing piece to the magic show she performs for us nightly.

"Expectations" has been a huge word for me in the past week. Realizing how easily I am disappointed when they aren't met. How I, like Tessa, have so much room to grow in patience and being a gracious receiver of what is offered to me, even if it isn't what I've laid out so carefully in my mind.

At the same time I am fiercely against the adage, "Don't expect too much and you won't be disappointed." I think this is a terrible philosophy. One that denies the opportunity for hard work, dreaming big, and growth in times of disappointment.

I would much rather teach Tessa to Walk With an expectant attitude, to expect to hear her name called, and expect the giant flashlight as her prize, but to be happy regardless. (And to confess to her that I am continuing to learn and grow right alongside her.)

But before I could get around to discussing this life lesson with Tessa, her name was called.

And when Kevin told her that her prize was a bottle of tire cleaner, she responded, "But I wanted the giant flashlight." And he kindly gave it to her.

Because sometimes life really does measure up to the fullness of our expectations!

(With special thanks to Judy and Kevin for making it happen!)

birthdays

Yesterday was my 34th birthday. 

Birthdays are always introspective days for me. I like to spend the bulk of the day alone, to think about how life has changed in the past year, what I want from the year to come, to thank the people who have Walked With me in some capacity over the course of my years, and to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me.

These are some of the thoughts I had during my time alone yesterday:

The people you celebrate your birthday with will be important to you all your life. Be they college friends, your kindergarten class, or family.

The most memorable birthdays aren’t defined by number (16, 18, 21), but by moments and the people you share them with.

The best of friends will let you celebrate being 29 for as many years as you want.

“You are only as old as you feel” should only be said in the summertime when arthritis is hibernating.

Days are less memorable than years. So it's okay if your birth-DAY doesn't live up to your expectation. You have a whole year to make 29 count. (Or 34, or whatever age you are celebrating this year!)

When people wish you happy birthday, you should respond by telling them something they do that inspires you and brings you joy. After all, we didn't come into this world to be praised, but to spread love and light to everyone we meet. 

So, in honor of my birthday week, I hope you all will feel cherished and loved, and do your part to let that love spread like wildfire. Because if I could have just one wish it would be for us all to show love and feel loved, each and every day.

A beautiful, snowy birthday!!

cancer

In honor of World Cancer Day, many of my Facebook friends "purpled" their profile pictures this week. Even more impacting for me were the people who then added their stories--their personal "why" behind the purple.

It reminded me that a month ago I was doing a 5k walk on a cruise ship with 30 or so others who had been impacted in some way.

While cancer is not prevalent in my family, it still feels important to make a stand against this disease and its effects on our world. Not just on our physical health, but also on our spiritual, mental, and emotional well being.

On the last day of our cruise, as we were going through the disembarkation process, I got to chatting with a 79-year-old couple. They heard me yell "Happy Birthday" to my grandma as we said our goodbyes. I told the couple there were 10 of us who came together to celebrate grandma's 80th birthday.

"We'll be 80 too," they said. "We wanted our family to come with us on the cruise, but our daughter had her last round of chemo this week."

"I did the 5k yesterday," I told them. "There were a few survivors who did the walk as well. And lots of loved ones."

"Thank you," they said, the woman with tears rolling down her cheeks. "It makes a difference."

"I'll pray for your daughter," I said. "And her kids, husband, and you."

Even with the emotion evident on their faces, I could see how brave they were. How strong and determined this journey with cancer had made them.

To all who Walk With cancer in some way, I pray that each one of you will experience a miracle in some way. Thank you for being brave in the midst of adversity, light in the midst of darkness, and agents for change.

layers

It is cold outside.

But I'm committed to walking.

Even though I have a broken toe. And arthritis.
Even though there is snow. And ice.

So here is my very simple secret to surviving a walk in the winter:

Walk With Layers.

I have something to offer?

It sounds like something you would read on a fortune cookie:

"You will bring something to the people you walk with." 

But Mr. L said it to me--ME--while we were chatting on the phone yesterday.

He was telling me about his experience walking el Camino de Santiago--nearly 500 miles across Spain. The food he ate. The blisters he popped. The lifelong friends he made. The woman longing for intimacy with God. The man about to get married who wanted to take a month to think about the responsibility of being a husband and father (his wife is one lucky lady!!).

And then, in reference to my own upcoming journey, he said those fortune cookie words:

I honestly had never considered that one of the reasons I am called to this journey, and called to it now, is because I have something to offer the people I will walk with. I fully expect to learn from them and learn from God and learn about myself. But to stop and realize that I have something to offer? It feels like a huge responsibility! And one I am nervous and excited to take on. 

So for the next month (only a month until I leave?!! Can you believe it?!!) I'll be praying over that responsibility, as well as praying for those I will walk with. Will you join me?

the best sermon

For the past month I've been praying for God to give me a sermon. And each week He has responded by sending enough snow and cold temperatures to cancel church.

But this week I knew it would be different.

So I prayed even more fervently: "Lord, please give me a sermon, because I know we are having church on Sunday!"

And I tried everything I could think of to give Him an avenue to speak to me. Listening to Christian music. Watching a video devotional every morning. Meditating on Scripture. (Okay, maybe not meditating. But at least reading a verse a day.) Quoting the Bible to all my friends going through hard times. Even my job has had me reading Christian nonfiction all month long.

But I just wasn't getting a sermon.

What was I doing wrong?

On Saturday (after watching TV most of the day Friday because that is what I do when I am stressed), I decided that distracting myself by reading the latest book from the fabulously sarcastic Angie Smith would be as good a plan as any.

And it was precisely where God had hidden my sermon.

In addition to being an all around amazing book, Chasing God included this quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

In an instant I knew my prayer, and my approach, had been all wrong. I had been doing and praying what I thought was important. But God didn't want me to busy myself with "religious" activities all the while praying "Lord, give me a sermon." What GOD wanted me to pray was: "Lord, MAKE ME a sermon!"

In other words:

Lord, take this life--this messy, selfish, imperfect life--and let others see your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love in me. Not because I am consistently faithful, but because You are. Lord, make my life--MAKE ME--a sermon!

Because walking with God is not about listening to the "right" music or reading the "right" number of Bible verses a day or even learning to talk like Jesus.

To walk with God is to learn to LIVE like Jesus.

So the best sermon I can give is not going to be found in the words I speak on Sunday morning. The best sermon is going to be the one I live each and every day.

word of the year

Selah. Brave. Commitment. Journey. Explore.

Selah is what I needed during the cold, dark month of January snow and cancelled Sunday services. A reminder to pause at the feet of Jesus and rest in His embrace.

Brave is what I want to be on days when I'm afraid.

Commitment tells me who and what I should invest my time and energy and life into.

Journey is simply life and living and discovering what it's all about.

Explore reminds me to live a life of depth in a world of superficiality, where time is wasted and relationships skim the surface of truth and integrity.


I promised you I would pick one, ONE, and that I would pick it today. But how am I to choose ONE of these five words that speak to me in such distinct, yet overlapping ways?

And then I began to wonder...

What if I didn't pick ONE? What if I picked them ALL? What if I had a statement instead of a word...

I like this. I like it a ton. It feels good and right and I imagine myself repeating it each and every day like a mantra.

And I will.

But if I have to be honest, which I try to be, I realized yesterday that there is in fact a word--a phrase actually--that wants to guide me this year. I've been avoiding it because it isn't the fun one. Or the easy one. It's not the safe one or the deep one. It's the one that is left when I truly sit and listen and ask God what kind of person He wants me to be.

A faithful person. Reliable. Trusting and trustworthy. Vulnerable. Dedicated. Hot or cold but not lukewarm.

"Commitment" is the word that led me here.

But more than that, I think God wants me to be a person who WALKS WITH.

Did you notice that this year's web address is "Walks With Katie"?

I thought I came up with it randomly. Because I needed a new address and I plan to walk a lot this year. But it isn't "Katie walks a lot". It's "Walks With" Katie.

Because God wants to Walk With me this year. And He wants me to Walk With others. God wants me to Walk With integrity. And confidence. He wants me to Walk With intention. All the while being brave and committed, exploring the journey and taking time to pause and reflect on the beauty all around us.

So what do you say? Will you WALK WITH me this year??