journey, take 2

Carol, who does baking and crafting with my nieces once a week, pointed out to me that Tysen draws her stick people from the feet up. 

While my grandmother is a very gifted artist, I got the short end of that paintbrush. So I've been paying attention to Tysen's creative expression ever since, totally jealous and inspired by the way she grounds her people and builds them from the earth up.

While the end result may not be that much different than any her sisters draw (from the head down), it's the journey--the process of getting there, the way she progresses--that makes Tysen unique.

The same can be said of life. While life inevitably ends in death, the life we live, the journey we take, the unique plan and purpose of our lives, makes each of us distinct, special, irreplaceable.

So, while my journey may look vastly different from yours, it doesn't make mine better, or worse. It simply makes it mine.

explore, take 2

That crazy person laying in the grass outside my office window is my boyfriend. If you are wondering what he is doing in negative 4 degree temperatures just laying there I will tell you: he's exploring the light.

I've been watching this exploration for a few months now and it has been absolutely beautiful. It started with sunrises. Then sunsets. And now it has progressed to any time the sun is up he wants to be in it, with it, celebrating this discovery that there is life outside of darkness.

Many of us live in darkness. Either in our own minds, through negativity, depression, etc. Or literally, hiding behind walled offices and closed curtains. Going to work when it is dark and not returning home until it is dark again. Or working a shift that requires sleeping during the day.  

But not me. And now not him. We are drawn to the light. To lay in it (yes I've been out there on the grass and snow in these temperatures too!). Walk in it. Be grateful for it. To allow it to penetrate us so that we can then share that light with you. Because we are not the light, but we can bear witness to the light that is available to all.

There are countless Scriptures that talk about light but here is one of my favorites:

“Awake, O sleeper, 

rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.”

One of the richest treasures of my life is to encourage this kind of exploration in others. 

commitment, take 2

"You are a brave soul," the woman with a cold said as I walked into the YMCA at 8:30 yesterday morning to get in a workout. My car registered negative 10 degrees and was one of few in the parking lot.

"I'm trying," I said, thinking about yesterday's blog on bravery.

But the truth was, my showing up to exercise had nothing to do with bravery. And everything to do with commitment.

I went to the gym because I'm committed to being healthy, now and for my future. And because I'm committed to walking across Spain this year.

And I was brave yesterday with my nieces because I'm committed to them, to loving them, protecting them when they are on my watch, and encouraging their curiosity, energy, and spiritual growth.

I've previously thought that I had to be brave in order to commit, but now I see that it also works the other way around. Commitment makes you brave, and makes others see you as brave. It gives you the courage to do things that are scary or hard or even dangerous.

Perhaps I will be less intimidated by this word--commitment--if I can see it as a source, an inspiration, for being brave.

brave, take 2

Anytime I take these four girls anywhere by myself is a test of bravery.

Yesterday's bravery started with picking them up from school. Making sure they all got zipped into their coats. That each one had a backpack. And everyone was holding someone's hand as we navigated the parking lot.

Tysen immediately asked if we could go to McDonald's for lunch. Tessa quickly added, "The one with the slides." Shame on the McDonald's RIGHT NEXT TO their school which doesn't have a play place.

Which leads to the next act of bravery: riding in the car with these girls and their questions and stories for half an hour as we drove to a McDonald's with slides.

Kenzi wanted to know if their great-grandpa Buck was wearing shoes in heaven and if he had a nickname like "Mr. Silly Pants". Kaylee said when she got to heaven she was going to make him cupcakes, which prompted Tysen to say "I don't like pizza." Tessa then asked how many people are on earth and if 7 billion people would fit in her house as long as no giants showed up.

Arriving at McDonald's required another parking-lot-everyone-hold-someone's-hand-I-wish-I-had-eyes-on-the-side-of-my-head challenge. Followed by me praying they wouldn't sit down and eat french fries with strangers while I ordered 3 cheeseburgers with no mustard, 6 nuggets, extra barbecue sauce, two large fries, and 4 waters while stocking up on ketchup and napkins. Lots of napkins.

As soon as we sat down Tessa had to go the bathroom. Which reminded Kenzi she had to go. NOW. And Tysen too. But not Kaylee. She wanted french fries. So I bravely tried to keep hands from touching anything too gross in the kids bathroom, sinks from being stopped up, hand sanitizer out of eyes, pants pulled up and buttoned before exiting the bathroom, and one eye on Kaylee making sure she didn't choke on her sandwich.

After an hour of slides came possibly the bravest act of the day. Taking them all to the grocery store. I got my work out in pushing 120+ pounds through an icy parking lot, then up and down the aisles looking for "four things so we can each hold one". Not to mention talking to every person in the store who has a twin, a premie, or knows someone who knows someone who has triplets but finds quads unimaginable.

The easiest part of the day was taking them back to my house for a game of hide and seek. We did lose Tysen for a while--long enough for her to wet her pants (she's really committed to hiding)--but we found her in time to get them all home for dinner. And you can bet that Aunt Katie slept well last night!

Being brave with these girls is worth every laugh, every worry, every challenging question, and every hug. I'm looking forward to a year of bravery with these soon-to-be 5 year olds!

selah, take 2

Mike A. from the "My One Word" blog made me feel so much better about not having a word of the year yet when he admitted to needing the month of January to try on a bunch of words before committing, on February 1, to one.

So here's the plan. Each day this week I will "try on" one of the words I blogged about last week. See how it fits, how it feels, if it challenges me, and draws me deeper into this life. And on Saturday, February 1, I'll choose one--ONE--for the year. Your comments throughout the week are most welcome!

SELAH

My entire weekend was like one big selah. A musical interlude between verses of your favorite song. A pause for deep breaths and fresh air and gratefulness.

The sunrises and sunsets, the mounds of blowing snow have all been an invitation for me to sit at the feet of Jesus. To reflect. To refocus. To remember my priorities and keep them in check.

And so I have sat. Literally. And paused to watch and wait and listen.

"You sat down in a snow drift today," my dad said. "For a while."
"Yes," I agreed.

Because when you need a pause, an interlude, a selah you don't let cold or wet or who might be watching stand in your way. You don't say 'maybe later' or 'I don't have time for that' or 'that's a nice thought, but...'

You simply sit in the snow and watch the sky change colors. You notice the way the freezing rain burns your face and makes you feel alive. You let the neighbors dog sit on your lap and lick your face. You thank God for being with you in the good, bad, happy, sad, change, constancy, undecidedness, and the deliberate.

Because when you don't take that necessary pause you feel overwhelmed, off center, like the snow drifts are too deep to brave.

I'm grateful for this weekend of deep breathing. Now if I could just remember to do it every day...

selah

The word "selah" is found over 70 times in the Old Testament. But most dictionaries will tell you that selah is "a word of uncertain meaning". The Amplified Bible, however, translates selah as "pause, and calmly think of that".

Most of my days go by in a blur of deadlines and to-do lists. How much better would life be if I took time to pause, and calmly focus on the task at hand?

Words can trigger my emotions quickly. How much better would life be if I took time to pause, and calmly think of what was said, why it stirred me up, and how I could best respond?

Life is a series of moments, most of which get missed or rushed. How much better would life be if I paused, prayed, thanked, and savored them?

Not having a word of the year has left me feeling unsettled. But what if that is part of the lesson? To remind me to pause, be calm, to think and reflect and pray. To not try and rush life, but to slow down, be calm. To simply be.

Selah (pause, and calmly think of that).

explore

"I want to go to Spain for Lent," I told my mom.

"You always have liked to explore," she replied.

Last year I absolutely fell in love with the word "embrace". But, at times, opening myself to anything and everything felt shallow. Like I was merely scraping the surface of all that the universe wanted to offer.

Which is why I love the word "explore".

To explore is to go deeper. To investigate. To get to the heart of the matter. And open my heart as well.

To me it also implies nature. Already this year I have explored caves and ruins, beaches and snowdrifts. Walking, riding, tubing, and flying. Sunrises and sunsets. Gale force winds and subzero temps.

And I especially love this definition of "explore" from the free dictionary: "to travel for the purpose of discovery". This is precisely why I travel. To learn a place. To discover its secrets. To see what it reveals to me about me. And you. And us.

I definitely plan to explore this year. But is it the lens with which I'm to view the world each and every day???

journey

Suzie challenged me with the word "journey" on Monday's post. My sister-in-law challenged me with the same word months ago when we realized I would be out of the country more than in it, at least for the first half of 2014.

I do love to travel. Already this year I spent a week in the Caribbean on a cruise, stopping in both Mexico and Belize, and a week with my brother's family in Corpus Christi, Texas.

"Journey" is more than just travel though.

It's a band, a beautiful little girl, a store, a game. It's a process. A progression. A movement forward, deeper, further.

Life is a journey. Success is a journey. Relationships are a journey. Travel is a journey. Writing is a journey.

Journey means speed bumps and missed turns, unexpected beauty and life lessons.

Yet still I hesitate. Is it the "right" word? Does it give me enough direction--THE direction--that I'm looking for in 2014? Because I'm not interested in wandering this year. I want this year to have a clear goal in mind, a narrow path, filled with love and light and lots of adventure.

It's a good word. It could even be MY word. And maybe it is. Maybe...

brave

"Come on, be brave," Kenzi taunted me at the dinner table.

A challenge to be brave is like a double-dog dare. And so I grabbed the lemon wedge she was holding and took a big bite out of it.

The sour look that immediately appeared on my face made her laugh and laugh.

Brave is another word that is rising for me this year. For all the same reasons that commitment is. Because every commitment, every journey, every new day requires me to be brave.

I am inspired by the bravery of others and want to be remembered as someone who was brave.

I want to be brave in the midst of difficulty and uncertainty. I want to brave the weather and new heights. I never want my mind or the world's expectations to prevent me from doing whatever it is I want and need and am called to do.

It is how I want to live. With boldness. And courage. Accepting that I can feel fear but follow through anyway.

http://kellyraeroberts.com/

But again, is this THE word of the year? Is this how I am to focus my energy and attention in 2014? I'm still not sure...

commitment

I'm struggling to commit to a new word in 2014.

Commitment definitely feels like it will be part of my growth this year. But I'm not sure it is THE word--MY word--of the year. (Or maybe I just don't want it to be.)

Commitment means being faithful to the call of God on my life (which is what exactly??). Not just saying I'm a believer, but actually believing and trusting and following.

Commitment means going to Spain for two months even though it feels scary. And selfish. (Why does committing to this thing I know I am meant to do make me feel like I'm neglecting my commitments to family, work, love?)

Commitment means having a boyfriend and not wasting time worrying about getting hurt or not being all he deserves.

Commitment means making decisions and plans, having priorities and goals and agendas. Not waiting around until the last minute to see if something funner, easier, more challenging or perfect comes along.

And yet I'm still not ready to declare this word as MY word. Perhaps I need to wrestle in community with you this week. To see what other words are speaking to my heart.

What about you? Do you have a word--a direction--for 2014?