a very Spanish Christmas

Randy and I shared an incredibly special first Christmas together!

As I was thinking about what to get Randy I decided to go the sentimental route and put together a photo album of our walk across Spain, frame our compostelas/certificates of completion, and create a clock with no hands. (We met a kid on the Camino with a tattoo of a wristwatch that had no hands, which symbolized all kinds of things including not being a slave to time and embracing every moment that is ours.)

My sister-in-law Kari had the same idea, sending us mounted photos of our journey.

And from these items we created an "inspiration wall" in our new home. 

Randy's mind was also on the Camino.

12 days before Christmas a box appeared on the island in our kitchen with a letter of the alphabet inside. And each day thereafter a new letter appeared. Clues to my Christmas present.

The letters didn't come in any particular order. I didn't know how many words or how many letters in each word. In fact, I didn't even know what language the puzzle was in.

Each day I came up with random phrases with the letters I had. "So time" and "It Moose" and "Te Amo Mi Son".

Finally, with all letters in hand (and a couple clues from Rand!), the puzzle came together: "One More Time?" he asked in Spanish.

"Are you asking what I think you are asking?" I questioned.

"I have 3 weeks blocked out in March," he said.

WE ARE GOING ON CAMINO!!

Last April we parted ways 306 kilometers before reaching Santiago. So we're going back to finish our Camino. Together!

Best Christmas ever!

you are loved

The Women of Faith tour was in Sacramento this weekend. Women of Faith is a Christian women's event that brings in amazing Bible teachers and musicians to inspire women to deepen their relationship with God. This year's theme was "From Survival to Revival", challenging and encouraging us to not just go through the motions of life, but to leave behind whatever holds us back in order to embrace every moment as the gift that it is.

Randy has 3 brothers, two of whose partners went with me to the event. Robert is married to Suzanne. And Roy is engaged to a different Suzanne. Kelly, Robert's daughter's mother-in-law, also joined us. And the time of fellowship with these 3 women was the highlight of my weekend!

On Friday night of the event, the emcee asked us all to take out our cell phones. "Now text 2 of your girlfriends who aren't with you and tell them that they are loved," she said.

Many of us wriggled uneasily in our seats. Just randomly text a friend and say, "You are loved"? Isn't that a little weird?

"Just do it," the emcee said.

So we all dutifully grabbed our phones and texted the first 2 women who came to mind.

"There are 8,000 women in this arena," the emcee said after giving us a minute. "That means 16,000 women just received the message that she is loved."

How cool is that?! And how many of the women who received that message needed it at that exact moment?

I immediately received a text back from one of my girlfriends, telling me I was also loved (and reminding me that it was 3 hours later in Ohio... it might take me a while to get used to the time difference!).

My other friend has yet to acknowledge the text. But that is okay. The point wasn't to get a response. The point was simply to remind the women in our lives that they are loved. Loved by me and loved by God.

Would you add to the number of women this weekend getting the message that they are loved? I know it's a little weird and a little awkward, but it just takes a second and it might be exactly what she needs to hear right now. So just grab your phone and text two people these 3 words: "You are loved."

home at last!

We made it! 16 days, 11 states, 4000 miles... and we're finally home!

I love the motto of my new town: "A Small Town Is Like A Big Family".

It's true of the place that I grew up and it feels true of my new home as well.

It was also true of our journey to get here. Along the way we visited my grandmother in Arkansas, my cousins (even some I'd never met!) in Oklahoma, my brother and sister-in-law and niece in Texas, and Randy's mom in New Mexico.

We are blessed that our family stretches all the way from Ohio to California!

Initially I chose not to write each day of our trip (like I did when we walked across Spain) because all of the last minute arrangements were a little overwhelming, from packing to getting the car and u-haul ready to saying so many goodbyes.

But after a couple of days I began to appreciate being able to be present to our adventure, rather than focusing on what to write and when.

I don't think I'm alone in this challenge. Figuring out how to balance being present to an experience with documenting it -- whether that be in words or selfies or something else entirely.

As a writer I feel I should have written more. But as a partner I'm grateful that my energy was focused on enjoying every moment with Randy and the family and friends and places we visited.

I think I chose the better way.

But we did take lots (lots!) of photos, so perhaps in the coming days I'll share more of our journey, now that we are home!

to say or to do

I spent yesterday afternoon in our hotel room in Forth Worth, Texas, writing about God and the purpose and plan he has for each one of us.

Randy was out walking the city streets, getting fresh air and a cup of coffee. He struck up a conversation with a homeless man and ended up giving him the jacket off his back. 

It struck me that what I was writing about doing, Randy was actually doing. 

Writing is an important ministry to me, one that God has clearly called me to. But writing about Jesus should never take the place of living out the teachings of Jesus. In this life I am called to both. 

no words

I asked Tysen last night if she knew Randy and I were leaving today for California. "No... do you want to see my flashlight?" she responded.

Tessa said goodbye to me just like any other night. But cried when she hugged my dog.

For the first time in months Kenzi didn't ask me to buy her sparkly boots for Christmas. (Which I've already done and wrapped.) But asked me to put gummy worms on her Amazon wish list instead.

Kaylee gave me a card that her great-grandma had given her great-grandpa 50 years ago, and showed me her favorite pair of slippers.

Even Kasen gave me a "Love you" and a hug.

Most of the adults have had the sentiment: "Be careful. Be safe. Have fun. Keep in touch."

But my sister-in-law Kari and I finally tapped into what everyone has really been saying, through their actions and words that seem to fall short. As we hugged we said: "There are no words."

No words for how great the last two years have been. To be so close to such great friends and family. No words for all the experiences. The tooth fairy and Elf on the Shelf. Zoo trips and skating rinks. Church and work and family dinner nights. Late night chats and early morning triathlons. A home I created here.  

No words. Inadequate words. So "goodbye for now" will have to be good enough.

a necessary mess

I've been too busy making a mess to write much lately. 

But I've been thinking about how sometimes life is messy right before a breakthrough. A move. A new adventure. A growth opportunity. A deeper sense of purpose.

So I'm embracing my mess.

Knowing that it is necessary to get me where I want to be. 

Randy flew into town yesterday. Today we load the u-haul. And tomorrow we'll be on our way!

Keep Calm and Fly On

Shortly before leaving for the airport on Tuesday I received notification that my connecting flight in Chicago was delayed half an hour. A few minutes later it was delayed another hour. I only had an hour to make my connection to begin with so there was no way I was going to make my plane to California.

I called the airlines from home and they quickly and efficiently got me on another flight, through Dallas, landing just 45 minutes later than my original flight.

Once in Dayton and safely on the plane, I sat next to a young guy headed to LAX for a morning meeting. The pilot came on over the speaker and shared with us that the auxiliary power wasn't working. We didn't need it to fly, he said. Just to turn the plane on. It should only take about 10 minutes, he concluded.

That 10 minutes soon became 90. Something to do with paperwork and a fax machine. (Who still uses fax machines? we wondered.)

But during that time, sitting on the tarmac waiting for a jump start,  I got to know the guy beside me. Married for 3 years, he was expecting his first child. He was a lawyer, headed to Los Angeles to fix someone else's mistake, and would be on the red eye home the following day.

By the time we finally took flight he knew there was no way he was going to make his connection in Dallas. Which was the last flight out for the night.

But here is the crazy part. He wasn't the least bit angry, frustrated, anxious, or upset about the situation.

"Maybe there will be another flight after all," he said. "Or maybe an early morning one so I can still make the 9 o'clock meeting. If I can't make the meeting, I'll just grab the next flight back to Dayton."

He was so casual about his options. Not the least bit frazzled by his plans not working out, or the idea of making a roundtrip flight to Dallas and never leaving the airport.

It was very comforting to be in his presence. Which helped me relax as my own layover grew shorter and shorter.

As we disembarked in Dallas and everyone ran to make their connection, he was the one who stopped and asked a woman in a wheelchair if he could help her to her gate.

I felt incredibly grateful to have witnessed such kindness, such a peaceful spirit, which is so rare these days. It reminded me that my own attitude can have an affect on others, either positive or negative, depending on how I choose to live and respond to the world.

Apparently a reminder that I needed since I wasn't originally scheduled to be on this flight. In fact, I wasn't even scheduled to sit next to this guy. But someone was sitting in my seat so I took the open one next to him. I love the way God works!

 

To Speak or Not to Speak...

I've taken a liking to a show called Garfunkel and Oates, about two female comedians. It is pretty stupid but it makes me laugh. Which is almost always a good thing.

So there is this one episode in which the girls decide to go on a double blind date and not talk at all. In fact, they decide to keep dating these guys and see how long it takes for the guys to notice they never speak. And the girls find it strangely liberating to not have to contribute at all.

Which is kind of what God and I have been wrestling with lately.

When to speak. And when to remain silent.

While Facebook and Twitter and whatever else you kids are using these days thrive on making us believe that what we want to say should be said, and said for all the world to hear -- it simply isn't true.

And I'm not talking about telling people what you had for breakfast or that you are on your way to the grocery store. Maybe no one really needs to know that, but at least you aren't hurting anyone by saying so.

But sometimes our opinions are hurtful. Or really don't matter. And should be kept to ourselves. Especially if we are putting our noses into someone else's business where we weren't invited. Especially if our opinions are said to tear people down instead of building them up. Especially if they aren't said in love.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. 1 Cor 13:1-7 MSG

Did you take time to read that passage? It says even if I'm speaking straight out of the Bible, and even if my opinion is 100 percent right, but I don't speak in love, I would be better off keeping my mouth shut.

There have been many times, just this week alone, that I have wanted to express my opinion. Told someone they were wrong. Or told them they were right. Gossipped. Or given my take on an issue, even though 100 others had already done so and I had nothing new to say.

But this week (okay maybe not the whole week, but at least the last 3 days) I have kept my mouth shut. And found it strangely liberating.

In a Quaker Meeting everyone is invited to preach every Sunday. As prompted by the Holy Spirit. And that is the key -- to listen to whether this is something God wants you to share with everyone, or if it is something for you alone.

What would happen if we carried this practice over into our everyday lives?

I once was lost...

On Monday morning I bought a copy of the movie August Rush, because I love the idea of our souls being connected by music. And by evening I heard the news of Robin Williams' passing.

In the movie, a baby is given up for adoption. And 11 years later we see him searching for his parents, by following the music.

Robin Williams' character tells the boy: "Music is God's reminder that there is something else besides us in this universe." And then he asks the boy: "What do you want to be, in the whole world?"

And the boy answers: "Found."

I can't imagine a more perfect word to sum up the answer to the longing, the loneliness, and the empty spaces that pervade our society.

share your story

I'm so blessed for all the opportunities I had this summer to share my journey walking across Spain. With church groups, individuals, reminiscing with friends I made on the Way.

And today in the local paper!

Terrell Walks el Camino

I've taken time to start to lay hold of some of the life lessons, and may share those with you in the coming weeks. Even as they continue evolving and revealing themselves.

But for today I will say this: 

If you have a story to tell, tell it!

an ant is a bug

Tessa: Aunt Katie, are you a mom or a dad?
Me: Neither.
Tessa: You are a mom AND a dad!
Me: No. "Neither" means I'm not a mom and I'm not a dad.
Tessa: Then what are you?
Me: I'm an aunt.
Tessa: An ant is a bug.

To the kids, "aunt" is not a title, like mom or dad or grandma or grandpa. To them, I don't have an "other name", like dad whose other name is Tim, or grandpa whose other name is Tom. To the kids, "aunt" does not define my relationship with their father. It's simply my name. Aunt Katie. Not Katie. Not Katie Terrell. But Aunt Katie. (And "ant" also happens to be a bug.)

Our society is such that titles are important. The world tells us they give us value. And without them we can feel as insignificant as Tessa's ant.

I've held the title of Mrs. and Mom and Editor. But through change and circumstance I can no longer claim these. To the world I'm simply Katie. To the kids I'm simply Aunt Katie. And sometimes that is a hard thing to be.

It's not the life God wants for us. God doesn't want us to get our value from titles or roles or corner offices. He wants us to know we are worthy without any of those things. That the title "child of God", which we can all claim, is the only one that matters.

But it can be a real challenge. When the world says otherwise. And you feel more like an ordinary ant than a child of the King.

Day 40

Day 40: El Ganso to Acebo – 24.1 km

Today I reached la Cruz de Ferro (the Iron Cross)!

Cruz de Ferro is a significant waymarker on the road to Santiago. It is the place where pilgrims bring a stone from their home country/community to place at the foot of the cross. Symbolizing our collective journey.

I didn’t actually bring a rock from home. I hope that doesn’t disappoint you. But it wasn’t something I felt called to do before leaving.

I did have a stone to place on the pile, however. Two actually. One that Randy brought for himself and one he was carrying for a friend. Since he didn’t get to walk to the cross this time around he asked me to carry out this task for him.

Some of you might recall that I thought I would leave my embrace key here. As a reminder that “to embrace” can mean to close your arms around someone or something. But it can also mean to open your arms/heart/self to everyone and everything. Like Jesus did on the cross when He stretched His arms out wide. For all of us.

I didn’t leave the key here, however. Choosing to give it to Randy before we left Leon. Because he fully embraced me: the good, the bad, the smelly. And he fully embraced the Camino: a journey all his own, that will continue to shape the amazing person he already is. And he has come to fully embrace life: living it, breathing it, sharing it. And I know I’m not the only one who is grateful for that.

But I didn’t need the key to remind me why I am here. In fact, I think it is more symbolic that I gave the key away, and carried instead stones for a person I know well and one who is a stranger to me.

Because that is what my journey is about. To stretch my arms open wide. Wide enough that all are included. The ones I know and love. And the ones I don’t yet know. To give and give and give. To receive from God and His children. And give some more. To do my part to extend the invitation to God’s table. And in turn my own.

don't forget to start

"Whatever you do--for heaven's sake don't forget to start." - John Brierley

I spent all day yesterday mapping my route across Spain, from St. Jean Pied de Port to Santiago. What routes and detours I want to take. Castles and cathedrals I want to see. Hostels and hotels I want to bunk in. 

Of course it is just a guide, not a rule. 

Because who knows if the weather along the Route de Napolean will even allow me to hike the Pyrenees that first day. Maybe I'll feel inspired in Pamplona and want to spend some extra time writing instead of walking. Will I feel up to the extra miles in order to detour and see the world heritage sites near Azofra? 

I suppose, in this case, it is a good thing that I'm not much of a planner. That being flexible about where the day takes me is more natural to my disposition than challenging. 

But it also felt important to Walk With a plan, so I can see when I'm ahead and when I'm falling behind. I do, after all, have to come home eventually. 

The really important thing at this stage, however, is simply that I start. I have my plane tickets. I'm in the process of packing. And sometime that first week in March I'll take my first steps along el Camino de Santiago. 

you are special

My boyfriend is the absolute sweetest. 

In addition to all the stuff boys are "supposed" to do (show up on time, put down the toilet seat, that kind of stuff), he also brings me two pieces of chocolate when I ask for one, compliments my vocabulary, encourages my outlandish dreams (yesterday we were buying an orphanage in Malawi, the week before we were playing Tarzan in Brazil)... 

I could go on all day about his sweetness. 

In January I even came home from vacation to this post-it note heart on my closet door. It's the first thing you see when you walk in my house. And it is still there today, a month later.

I love post-it notes. I love that he took the time to make a heart out of post-it notes. I love that he wrote me a note on the post-it notes. And that we have continued adding messages over the past few weeks.

It is such an adventure to come home and scan the closet door to see what has been added. Song lyrics, movie quotes, x's and o's. Just little expressions of love and care.

When we Walk With love in our hearts, we will always look for ways to make others feel special.

It doesn't have to cost anything. It doesn't have to be romantic. It doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day. It doesn't even have to be with someone you know.

We can simply decide each day that we are going to make someone/anyone/everyone feel special. And start looking for ways to make it happen.

So, whether or not you have a valentine today, choose to show someone that they are special!

giving keys

My sister-in-law Kari gave me the coolest birthday gift: a giving key.

The idea behind the key is that I'm supposed to "pay it forward", to give the key away to someone who needs the word inscribed on it. My key word, naturally, is "EMBRACE".

Immediately upon receiving the gift I had a vision of Walking With the key across Spain and laying it at the foot of the iron cross--Cruz de Ferro--which I will reach approximately 5 weeks into my journey. It's where others leave rocks from home, rings from failed engagements, and other "stones" to symbolize a shedding of burdens and leaving behind of what no longer serves you, in order to be open to new life and the last part of the journey.

The thing about "EMBRACE", my word of the year in 2013, is that I began to feel possessive of it after 365 days of carrying it around in the forefront of my mind. So any time it appeared in a book or a movie, a blog or conversation, it was as if I had been the impetus. As if the word had not even been called into existence prior to my declaring it "my" word of 2013.

And so the shedding of this layer/key/burden that I carry would be a symbol of letting go of this singular vision. In favor of Walking With all the other words and books, opportunities and acquaintances who share this journey with me. Leaving the past where it belongs in favor of all that makes up my future.

Instead of giving the key to one person, I would symbolically be giving it to all persons. Inviting each and every one to join me in laying down selfishness in favor of community.

And maybe this is exactly how it will play out. Or maybe there is ONE who needs this word-key for him or herself and I'll know it immediately. Time will tell.

As I said yesterday, it is good to have visions and expectations. AND to be able to lay them down if life has other plans.

word of the year

Selah. Brave. Commitment. Journey. Explore.

Selah is what I needed during the cold, dark month of January snow and cancelled Sunday services. A reminder to pause at the feet of Jesus and rest in His embrace.

Brave is what I want to be on days when I'm afraid.

Commitment tells me who and what I should invest my time and energy and life into.

Journey is simply life and living and discovering what it's all about.

Explore reminds me to live a life of depth in a world of superficiality, where time is wasted and relationships skim the surface of truth and integrity.


I promised you I would pick one, ONE, and that I would pick it today. But how am I to choose ONE of these five words that speak to me in such distinct, yet overlapping ways?

And then I began to wonder...

What if I didn't pick ONE? What if I picked them ALL? What if I had a statement instead of a word...

I like this. I like it a ton. It feels good and right and I imagine myself repeating it each and every day like a mantra.

And I will.

But if I have to be honest, which I try to be, I realized yesterday that there is in fact a word--a phrase actually--that wants to guide me this year. I've been avoiding it because it isn't the fun one. Or the easy one. It's not the safe one or the deep one. It's the one that is left when I truly sit and listen and ask God what kind of person He wants me to be.

A faithful person. Reliable. Trusting and trustworthy. Vulnerable. Dedicated. Hot or cold but not lukewarm.

"Commitment" is the word that led me here.

But more than that, I think God wants me to be a person who WALKS WITH.

Did you notice that this year's web address is "Walks With Katie"?

I thought I came up with it randomly. Because I needed a new address and I plan to walk a lot this year. But it isn't "Katie walks a lot". It's "Walks With" Katie.

Because God wants to Walk With me this year. And He wants me to Walk With others. God wants me to Walk With integrity. And confidence. He wants me to Walk With intention. All the while being brave and committed, exploring the journey and taking time to pause and reflect on the beauty all around us.

So what do you say? Will you WALK WITH me this year??

journey, take 2

Carol, who does baking and crafting with my nieces once a week, pointed out to me that Tysen draws her stick people from the feet up. 

While my grandmother is a very gifted artist, I got the short end of that paintbrush. So I've been paying attention to Tysen's creative expression ever since, totally jealous and inspired by the way she grounds her people and builds them from the earth up.

While the end result may not be that much different than any her sisters draw (from the head down), it's the journey--the process of getting there, the way she progresses--that makes Tysen unique.

The same can be said of life. While life inevitably ends in death, the life we live, the journey we take, the unique plan and purpose of our lives, makes each of us distinct, special, irreplaceable.

So, while my journey may look vastly different from yours, it doesn't make mine better, or worse. It simply makes it mine.

explore, take 2

That crazy person laying in the grass outside my office window is my boyfriend. If you are wondering what he is doing in negative 4 degree temperatures just laying there I will tell you: he's exploring the light.

I've been watching this exploration for a few months now and it has been absolutely beautiful. It started with sunrises. Then sunsets. And now it has progressed to any time the sun is up he wants to be in it, with it, celebrating this discovery that there is life outside of darkness.

Many of us live in darkness. Either in our own minds, through negativity, depression, etc. Or literally, hiding behind walled offices and closed curtains. Going to work when it is dark and not returning home until it is dark again. Or working a shift that requires sleeping during the day.  

But not me. And now not him. We are drawn to the light. To lay in it (yes I've been out there on the grass and snow in these temperatures too!). Walk in it. Be grateful for it. To allow it to penetrate us so that we can then share that light with you. Because we are not the light, but we can bear witness to the light that is available to all.

There are countless Scriptures that talk about light but here is one of my favorites:

“Awake, O sleeper, 

rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.”

One of the richest treasures of my life is to encourage this kind of exploration in others. 

commitment, take 2

"You are a brave soul," the woman with a cold said as I walked into the YMCA at 8:30 yesterday morning to get in a workout. My car registered negative 10 degrees and was one of few in the parking lot.

"I'm trying," I said, thinking about yesterday's blog on bravery.

But the truth was, my showing up to exercise had nothing to do with bravery. And everything to do with commitment.

I went to the gym because I'm committed to being healthy, now and for my future. And because I'm committed to walking across Spain this year.

And I was brave yesterday with my nieces because I'm committed to them, to loving them, protecting them when they are on my watch, and encouraging their curiosity, energy, and spiritual growth.

I've previously thought that I had to be brave in order to commit, but now I see that it also works the other way around. Commitment makes you brave, and makes others see you as brave. It gives you the courage to do things that are scary or hard or even dangerous.

Perhaps I will be less intimidated by this word--commitment--if I can see it as a source, an inspiration, for being brave.

brave, take 2

Anytime I take these four girls anywhere by myself is a test of bravery.

Yesterday's bravery started with picking them up from school. Making sure they all got zipped into their coats. That each one had a backpack. And everyone was holding someone's hand as we navigated the parking lot.

Tysen immediately asked if we could go to McDonald's for lunch. Tessa quickly added, "The one with the slides." Shame on the McDonald's RIGHT NEXT TO their school which doesn't have a play place.

Which leads to the next act of bravery: riding in the car with these girls and their questions and stories for half an hour as we drove to a McDonald's with slides.

Kenzi wanted to know if their great-grandpa Buck was wearing shoes in heaven and if he had a nickname like "Mr. Silly Pants". Kaylee said when she got to heaven she was going to make him cupcakes, which prompted Tysen to say "I don't like pizza." Tessa then asked how many people are on earth and if 7 billion people would fit in her house as long as no giants showed up.

Arriving at McDonald's required another parking-lot-everyone-hold-someone's-hand-I-wish-I-had-eyes-on-the-side-of-my-head challenge. Followed by me praying they wouldn't sit down and eat french fries with strangers while I ordered 3 cheeseburgers with no mustard, 6 nuggets, extra barbecue sauce, two large fries, and 4 waters while stocking up on ketchup and napkins. Lots of napkins.

As soon as we sat down Tessa had to go the bathroom. Which reminded Kenzi she had to go. NOW. And Tysen too. But not Kaylee. She wanted french fries. So I bravely tried to keep hands from touching anything too gross in the kids bathroom, sinks from being stopped up, hand sanitizer out of eyes, pants pulled up and buttoned before exiting the bathroom, and one eye on Kaylee making sure she didn't choke on her sandwich.

After an hour of slides came possibly the bravest act of the day. Taking them all to the grocery store. I got my work out in pushing 120+ pounds through an icy parking lot, then up and down the aisles looking for "four things so we can each hold one". Not to mention talking to every person in the store who has a twin, a premie, or knows someone who knows someone who has triplets but finds quads unimaginable.

The easiest part of the day was taking them back to my house for a game of hide and seek. We did lose Tysen for a while--long enough for her to wet her pants (she's really committed to hiding)--but we found her in time to get them all home for dinner. And you can bet that Aunt Katie slept well last night!

Being brave with these girls is worth every laugh, every worry, every challenging question, and every hug. I'm looking forward to a year of bravery with these soon-to-be 5 year olds!